Ramsey hosts warn informal child support payments can create financial and legal risks for expectant fathers — What you should know

When a man called into The Ramsey Show (1) with a story involving a pregnant ex-fiancée, child support and strained communication, cohosts Ken Coleman and Jade Warshaw said it sounded like the start of a hit country song.

“If you’ve got any musical talent you should write this one, ‘cause it could really take off,” Coleman joked.

Elijah told the hosts that he and his ex-fiancée are expecting a baby. Even before the child is born, he’s been sending her US$500 in child support every month, hoping to do the right thing — despite not knowing what role, if any, he’ll have in their child’s life.

“She hasn’t really guaranteed me that I’m even going to get to have a relationship with our baby,” he said.

As the conversation unfolded, Elijah shared that his ex already has two other children by two other fathers who paid child support, but later became estranged. That detail raised red flags for the hosts, who felt Elijah’s good intentions may be working against him.

Coleman’s response was frank. “You dodged a bullet,” he told Elijah. “This is not a woman that I think you want to settle down with. We’ve got two other dudes, two other kids — she is taking advantage of you. She doesn’t value you.”

While both cohosts agreed the situation carried emotional concerns, they didn’t fully agree on what Elijah morally or financially owed — especially before a legal parenting arrangement was in place. As they dug deeper, the advice became less about money and more about boundaries, expectations and protecting himself from manipulation.

The trouble with informal child support

Elijah told the hosts that he and his ex were once engaged, but the relationship ended before they discovered she was pregnant. Hoping to make things work, he suggested they reconcile. For a short time she moved in with him, along with her two other kids, but the arrangement quickly fell apart and she moved out with the help of a former partner.

After that relationship ended, Elijah said she reached out asking for financial help. She’s currently living rent-free on her grandmother’s property and has no steady income.

“Her only income source is child support,” Elijah said. “If I’m not supporting her, nobody is. She’s the mother of my child. I don’t want her to go hungry while she’s growing our baby.”

Wanting to do the right thing, Elijah started sending her US$500 a month, basing the amount loosely on what her children's fathers had paid in the past. But once those payments stopped, she began asking Elijah for more money. He said his ex began asking for two to three times more than what he was already providing — even as she continued to refuse any clear coparenting plan.

“It’s really hard to not feel that I’m being taken advantage of,” he admitted.

Coleman didn’t hesitate. He told Elijah that informal arrangements often lead to blurred lines and pressure, and advised him to stop sending extra money beyond what he originally agreed to. In his view, Elijah was being asked to shoulder financial problems he didn’t create.

But Warshaw pushed back. She argued that financial instability could affect how Elijah’s child is cared for and said it wasn’t as simple as drawing a hard line and walking away.

But on one point, both hosts agreed: This situation needs to move out of an emotional realm and into a legal one.

In Canada, child support amounts are determined using federal and provincial guidelines, typically based on income and custody arrangements — not informal agreements or shifting demands. A court order can also establish clear expectations around parenting time and responsibilities, reducing confusion and emotional pressure on both sides (2).

Getting a judge involved, Warshaw said, doesn’t mean being unkind or adversarial. It means putting structure around a situation that has become emotionally charged — and ensuring decisions are made in the child’s best interests, not out of guilt, fear or manipulation.

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What expectant fathers need to know about child support

According to Statista, 1.84 million children live in single-parent households as of 2024, and child support plays a key role in their financial stability (3).

While many parents have formal, court-ordered child support arrangements, informal agreements — where one parent sends money without a legal order — are also common, especially early on in the arrangement. However, Canadian family law experts and courts consistently caution that informal payments offer little legal protection to either parent.

Under Canadian law, child support amounts are determined using the Federal Child Support Guidelines, which are applied to courts across provinces and territories, with Quebec using its own provincial model (4). These guidelines base support primarily on income and parenting arrangement, not on informal negotiations or pressure from an ex-partner.

What can begin as “doing the right thing” may quickly become financially risky when payments are undocumented and expectations are unclear — especially before a legal parenting framework is in place.

That’s why family-law guidance in Canada strongly encourages parents to formalize child support through the courts or a written agreement. A formal order helps ensure support is fair, predictable and focused on the child’s needs — covering essentials like housing, food, clothing and school costs — while protecting both parents from ongoing disputes (5).

Here are some key points expectant fathers should understand before agreeing to any form of child support:

You have rights — but they must be legally established

In Canada, parental rights and responsibilities must be legally established, typically after a child is born. While expectant fathers can prepare in advance, decisions about custody, parenting time and support are generally made once legal parentage is confirmed (6).

Child support is usually enforced after birth

Because paternity is normally determined after a child is born, courts generally enforce child support only after birth (7). Importantly, sending money informally during pregnancy may not be credited toward future child support obligations unless it’s clearly documented and recognized by a court or agreement.

Off-the-books payments can create long-term problems

Informal payments made without a court order or written agreement have certain downsides that include:

• They may not count toward official child support
• They don’t guarantee parenting time or decision-making rights
• Can lead to escalating demands without clear limits

Canadian courts rely on documented, guideline-based support, not verbal promises or goodwill gestures (8).

Supporting your child doesn’t mean funding unrelated expenses

In Canada, child support is owed to the child, not to subsidize an ex-partner’s broader lifestyle or financial shortfalls unrelated to the child’s care. Courts assess support based on the child’s needs and the parents’ incomes — not the financial gaps left by previous partners or other household obligations (9).

Documentation protects everyone

A court-ordered or formally registered child support agreement can help:

• Set clear expectations
• Reduce emotional pressure and conflict
• Protect both parents from future disputes
• Ensure support decisions are based on law, not guilt or fear

Informal agreements make this structure difficult, if not impossible to achieve (10).

Bottom line

Elijah’s story highlights how quickly good intentions can turn into financial and emotional risk when money, guilt and unclear boundaries mix. In Canada, informal child support arrangements offer little protection, leaving parents exposed to ongoing pressure and disputes.

The safest move is to formalize support through the legal system, document all payments and establish parenting expectations early. Doing so helps keep decisions focused on the child’s well-being — while protecting your finances, your rights and your long-term stability.

— with files from Melanie Huddart

Article sources

We rely only on vetted sources and credible third-party reporting. For details, see our editorial ethics and guidelines.

The Ramsey Show (1); Government of Canada (2, 4, 5, 6, 8, 10); Statista (3); Shulman and Partners LLP (7); Connect Family Law (9)