Sandwich generation stress: We want to help our kids with school, but aging parents need support. Is our retirement doomed?

With the cost of essentials like housing, groceries and utilities remaining high, many middle-aged Canadians are feeling financially squeezed — not only by their own expenses, but by the growing needs of their aging parents and fledgling children. Those in this unique stage of life are sometimes referred to as the Sandwich Generation, as middle-aged generations feel the squeeze between caring for two distinct cohorts simultaneously.

This type of dual care is quite common in Canada. According to Statistics Canada, in 2022, 13.4 million Canadians (42%) aged 15 and older provided unpaid care in the previous 12 months to children under 15 years old or youth over 15 as well as adults with a long-term condition, disability or aging-related needs (1).

StatCan also finds that sandwich caregiving is most common in middle adulthood, including people aged 45 to 64, when many households are balancing kids at home with support for parents or parents-in-law (2).

A significant portion of those adult children are married or partnered themselves, which can create tension when spouses disagree on how much support to provide, and what that means for their own goals.

Let’s create a hypothetical yet highly relatable scenario: Say you and your spouse are in your early 50s. Your two kids are in high school and you’re hoping to help pay for their post-secondary education while still keeping your retirement within reach a little over a decade from now

With $500K in savings and a solid household income, that plan feels achievable. But then comes a complication: Your spouse’s parents begin to struggle financially after your father-in-law suddenly loses his job and was forced into early retirement, leaving him with a smaller pension than expected.

At the same time, higher housing costs, property taxes and everyday expenses have eaten away at their savings. Downsizing isn’t an option at this time, while selling their home would likely mean giving up the community and support network they rely on.

Now your spouse wants to help bridge the gap. She’s asking whether you can use part of your nest egg to help cover her parents’ monthly expenses while they adjust to their new reality. A few thousand dollars may not derail your plans, but you worry that ongoing support could quietly become a long-term obligation.

Before emotion takes over, it helps to step back and run the numbers. The question isn’t only whether you can help, but how much support you can afford without putting your children’s education or your own retirement at risk.

Assessing the impact on your nest egg

Your family’s goals are all in competition. You want to help your children pay for their post-secondary education, support aging parents through tough times and still retire comfortably while in your 60s.

The first step is to find professional advice. A fee-only financial planner can help you see how different choices affect your long-term plan, including whether it makes sense to borrow at a reasonable rate instead of pulling money out of investments that are intended to grow over time.

The Financial Consumer Agency of Canada (FCAC) encourages Canadians to look at the big picture – including budgeting, debt and savings goals — before making trade-offs that could be hard to undo (3).

But if you do decide to use part of your savings, it’s important to understand the trade-offs — starting with education costs.

One of the most affordable options for students is to live at home while attending a local university or college. Tuition costs are only part of the total cost of post-secondary education. Living expenses, books and supplies quickly add up, too.

According to Statistics Canada’s tuition fee report, average trade tuition varies by province but generally falls in the mid-thousands per year (before additional costs), with many families also facing rising fees over time (4). That said, living at home can cut out a huge portion of additional costs, making meaningful savings over a four-year degree.

If you’re planning for two children to attend college or university, even moderate annual expenses can add up.

One way some families manage this is by setting a clear contribution limit: agreeing to cover the cost of the local option, while leaving any additional expense for a more distant or specialized program up to the student.

Secondly, you want to help your in-laws after the financial strain they’ve faced over the past few years. The good news is, their home is paid off, so they don’t have mortgage or rental payments.

Even so, owning a home comes with ongoing costs. According to StatCan, households continue to face significant monthly expenses such as utilities, property taxes, insurance and maintenance, even without a mortgage. The “Survey of Household Spending” shows shelter-related costs remain one of the largest spending categories for older households, even when the home is owned outright (5).

Beyond housing, everyday living expenses continue to add up. StatCan’s household spending data show that households spend thousands of dollars monthly on essentials such as food, transportation, utilities, household services and personal care.

Taken together, it’s reasonable to assume your in-laws’ monthly expenses could approach $4,000 or more, depending on where they live and their specific needs, even without rent or mortgage payments. That context helps frame the real question: How much help can you offer without sacrificing your own plans?

One option is to provide clear, time-limited support. For example, agreeing to contribute $500 a month for six months could offer short-term relief while you and your spouse have more difficult conversations about longer-term solutions — such as downsizing, tapping into home equity or adjusting spending. Putting a defined timeline around the help reduces the risk that temporary support quietly becomes a permanent obligation.

The goal isn’t to avoid helping, it’s to help in a way that remains sustainable for everyone involved.

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Getting through a stressful season

Even after those two big hits — helping your kids with school and supporting aging parents — you’re still working, earning income and continuing to build other assets, such as your home and long-term investments. Yes, watching your savings drop to just over $400,000 certainly stings. It’s a setback. But it doesn’t mean your retirement plans are wasted.

In fact, many Canadians approaching retirement have far less than what they originally intended, often because life intervenes along the way. What matters more than hitting a perfect number is whether you still have time, income and flexibility. And in your early 50s, you do.

It’s also important to remember that retirement income in Canada doesn’t come from savings alone. Because you’ve already worked for decades, you’ll likely qualify for Canada Pension Plan (CPP) benefits, which provide a lifetime, inflation-adjusted monthly payment based on your contributions and when you start collecting.

Most Canadians will also receive Old Age Security (OAS) starting at age 65, with higher payments available if you delay up to age 70.

Once this expensive phase of life passes — when your kids finish school and your parents’ situation stabilizes — you’ll have more room to rebuild. You can continue to contribute to Registered Retirement Savings Plans (RRSPs) until the end of the year you turn 71, giving you valuable time to boost retirement savings after age 50.

The time is right to also bring a professional’s opinion into the mix. A fee-only financial planner can bring clarity and help you reassess timelines, plan withdrawals and help ypu make informed decisions about when to take CPP and OAS — so this stressful financial chapter doesn't permanently shape your retirement.

Bottom line

Balancing finances to provide for kids’ educations and aging parents, plus your own retirement, is stressful. But it’s only a temporary setback that doesn’t have to completely derail your own long-term plans. The key is setting clear limits — how much help you can offer and for how long, while also revisiting this plan as circumstances evolve.

Remember that continued income, future RRSP contributions and public pensions can help you recover once this phase passes. If the trade-off feels overwhelming, professional advice can help you protect your future while supporting your family now.

—With files from Melanie Huddart

Article sources

We rely only on vetted sources and credible third-party reporting. For details, see our editorial ethics and guidelines.

Statistics Canada (1, 2, 4, 5); FCAC (3)